Skyrim Player Has Hilarious Interaction With Hypocritical Guard

One of the videos from Skyrim Hypocritical Guard depicts a whose language completely fails to fit their absurd appearance, leaving gamers completely puzzled.



Skyrim is a game that has been around for more than ten years, and with all of its quirks and bugs being widely documented, it’s a marvel that gamers can still find humor in the world that Bethesda Game Studios has created for them to explore.

The vast open-world of Skyrim has thousands of non-playable characters (NPCs) and hundreds of thousands of lines of recorded speech between those NPCs. Because there are an incredible amount of interactions open to players, there will always be instances of emergent gameplay that make fans laugh out loud.


The exchanges that take place between the Dragonborn and the many guards that watch over Skyrim’s villages and cities serve as a special source of material that is mined to a great extent. Bethesda’s often flawed Creation Engine frequently results in these generic NPCs glitching out in some crazy fashion. Guards all around Skyrim, from Windhelm to Solitude, may be seen floating in the air and engaging players in the most inappropriate ways.

One video clip, titled “One Such Unusual Guard Response at a Baffling Moment of Emergent Gameplay,” was submitted to the r/skyrim subreddit by user ThornWarrior. The video shows one such bizarre guard reaction. ThornWarrior finds a guard as he travels through the haunting village of Ivarstead.

The guard pauses and laments that he “would be a lot warmer and a lot happier with a belly full of mead.” This is typical guard banter, and it’s not all that dissimilar from the regular griping that the majority of guards on both sides of the Skyrim Civil War engage in.

Almost immediately after this, he starts relating to the player by saying things like, “You’re like me, eh? Avoid using such heavy weapons that need both hands. When another guard reacts in a manner that is quite typical, ThornWarrior starts to walk away; however, they immediately turn back around when they see the huge two-handed Iron Greatsword hanging on the back of the other guard.

Skyrim’s two-handed weapons

The assessment that Skyrim Hypocritical Guard two-handed weapons are “clunky” isn’t incorrect; however, given the randomly selected nature of guards in Skyrim, it’s clear that Bethesda hoped players wouldn’t notice or care too much if the guard saying the line also wields a two-handed weapon.

This is because two-handed weapons swing much faster than greatswords, battleaxes, and Warhammer. This is one of the situations that stands out as an example of game creators using shortcuts to save time, rather than spending the effort necessary to code a failsafe that prohibits guards with two-handed guns from saying it.

In the end, this is a little cost for something that very few players will notice, and on the occasion that they do, it makes for an amusing little jest that just adds to the pleasure that fans get out of playing the game.

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